How to Check In On Your Mate on Site
By Tommy, Founder
The Quick Version
- Notice — watch for the small changes in behaviour that most people miss
- Pick your moment — side by side, one on one, away from the crew
- Ask properly — "Nah seriously, how are you actually going?"
- Listen — don't fix it, don't minimise it, just listen
- Leave the door open — if he brushes it off, let him know you're around
- Point him to help — TIACS 0488 846 988, free and built for tradies
- Keep showing up — one conversation isn't always enough, keep checking in
You don't need a psychology degree. You don't need the perfect words. You don't need to turn smoko into a therapy session.
You just need to give enough of a damn to actually ask.
Checking in on a mate sounds simple. And it is — once you know what you're actually doing. Because there's a big difference between asking someone how they're going and actually checking in on them. Most of us do the first one every day without even thinking about it. The second one takes a little more intention.
Here's how to do it properly.
Notice the Signs First
You can't check in on someone if you're not paying attention. And on a busy site, it's easy to put your head down and not notice what's going on around you.
Watch for the small stuff. It's usually not dramatic — it's subtle.
- He's gone quiet. The guy who normally can't shut up hasn't said a word all week
- He's snapping at people over nothing — small mistakes that normally wouldn't bother him
- He's not showing up to smoko or knocking off early without explanation
- He looks tired. Not just physically worn out tired — but a different kind of tired
- He's stopped taking the piss or laughing at the usual banter
None of these things on their own mean something's seriously wrong. But if you notice a few of them together, or a change from how he normally carries himself — trust your gut. Check in.
Pick the Right Moment
Pulling someone aside in front of the whole crew is not the move. Nobody wants to have a serious conversation with an audience.
The best check ins happen naturally — walking to the ute at the end of the day, driving to the hardware store together, waiting for a delivery. Side by side, not face to face. Tradies talk better when they're doing something else at the same time. There's less pressure that way.
You don't need to make it a big deal. In fact the less of a big deal it feels, the easier it is for him to open up.
Ask Better Questions
There's a reason "how are you going?" doesn't work. Everyone knows the expected answer is "good mate, you?" and that's exactly what they'll say.
Try something more specific:
- "You've seemed a bit off lately — everything alright at home?"
- "Haven't seen you at smoko this week. What's going on?"
- "Nah seriously, how are you actually going?"
That word — actually — does a lot of heavy lifting. It signals that you're not just going through the motions. You genuinely want to know.
And then — this is the important part — stop talking and listen. Don't jump in with solutions. Don't tell him about a time you had it worse. Don't try to fix it. Just let him talk.
What If He Still Says Yeah Nah?
He might brush it off. A lot of guys will the first time. That's okay — don't push so hard it feels like an interrogation.
Just let him know the door's open.
"No worries mate. But seriously, if you ever need to talk — I'm around."
Then follow through on that. Check in again next week. Send him a message on the weekend. Invite him for a beer after knock off. Sometimes it takes a few attempts before someone feels safe enough to open up. The fact that you keep showing up matters more than any single conversation.
If He Does Open Up
First — well done. That took guts from both of you.
If he shares something serious, your job isn't to solve it. Your job is to listen, to not freak out, and to gently point him toward proper support if he needs it.
You can say something like:
"Mate I'm really glad you told me that. Have you thought about talking to someone about it? There's actually a free service called TIACS — it's built for tradies, no bullshit, you just text them."
Then send him the number. TIACS: 0488 846 988
You're not his therapist. You're his mate. And sometimes being his mate means knowing when to point him to someone who can actually help.
The Bottom Line
Nobody expects you to save anyone. Nobody's asking you to be a counsellor or have all the answers.
But you might be the only person in that guy's life who notices something's wrong. You might be the one conversation that changes everything for him.
That's not a burden — that's just what it means to look after your crew.
Check in. Listen properly. And don't accept yeah nah as a final answer.
Your mates need you paying attention.
Yeah Nah. 🇦🇺
Tommy Founder, Yeah Nah Tradies
If you or someone you know is in crisis, please call Lifeline on 13 11 14 — available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.